It’s been a busy 4.5 months…

If you’ve followed us on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, you have been bombarded by photos of the most darling little girl named Audrey Rose. Though I have shared most of this on Facebook, I have not yet shared the story on our website. Since we hope to adopt more children in the future, I figured we should share what we can about our sweet little girl and how she joined our family.

On February 6, 2019, we received a call from our attorney asking us if we had seen a message on our profile. We had not, so we quickly went to that page and opened up a message from a woman whom I will call K. In the message, K shared that she was due in April, saw our profile and would like to talk about placing her baby with us. We reached out right away and played phone tag for about three weeks. Given our failed adoption in October, we were wary. We had not been able to talk with K because whenever we had a phone call set, something always came up. As a result, we protected our hearts and didn’t get too invested.

On Thursday, February 28, Dennis surprised me with my birthday gifts a day early! I loved my Lego Hogwarts Great Hall and my Harry Potter puzzle and our Lego Harry Potter Playstation game, and was so excited to spend the night of March 1, my actual birthday, sitting with Dennis enjoying these puzzles and games.

42: the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Fitting that our daughter came to us on my 42nd birthday. She is the answer to life, the universe, and everything! But I’m getting ahead of myself….

The morning of Friday, March 1, my sister Julie and I woke up early and went to do some work in the Gilbert Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I had some pretty sacred moments there that I won’t share here, but I left the temple feeling uplifted, grateful, valued, and supported in my trials. It had been a rough year. A roller coaster of hope and disappointment, delight and agony. The experience in the temple taught me that I am strong and able to bear the burdens placed on my shoulders.

A much needed time-out moment with my sis. I highly recommend temple attendance as part of a robust birthday celebration.

We left the temple and went to Joe’s Farm Grill for my free birthday breakfast. While Julie and I were wrapping up, I got a text from K, basically saying she had picked us out a while before she reached out to us, that she had asked God to send her parents for her baby and 3 different times with different situations, brought us up on her phone. She had checked out other couples and did not get the same feeling like she did with us. K said that she was in labor, so if we were serious I needed to call her ASAP.

I was still wary. Because that’s just me. Dennis had seen the text (it was on a shared Google Voice number), and texted to ask if I had seen it. I texted both Dennis and K and let them know I would call in a moment.

Julie and I got in the car and I called K. I went from wary to hopeful to totally freaking out in a matter of 20 minutes. K shared her circumstances and we talked about open adoption (a goal for both of us), and we knew… we KNEW it was the right fit.

K was heading to the hospital and we needed to leave ASAP. I texted Dennis at work and asked him to step out of class and call me now. Two minutes passed by and he hadn’t called. I texted, “We are going to Tucson to have a baby. Please call me now.” I wish I had been in the room to see his face!

He quickly found someone to cover his class and started home. Julie and I raced to my house to start packing. I called my family while my sister called my boss to tell him I wouldn’t be available for a phone call that afternoon. I called our social worker Calli Tidwell who sprang into action, got in touch with K, and worked everything out (more on that later). We drove the two hours to the hospital and arrived an hour after our little girl was born.

Audrey Rose, just a couple of hours old

She had trouble breathing so they put her on a CPAP that they removed later that night. She was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and machines, but we were smitten immediately.

Our first of many snuggles
Even Dad got in on the skin-to-skin

After some time with this precious little angel, we went back up to post-partum to see K. Lots of tears were shed. She said she knew the baby girl belonged in our home. We felt overwhelming love for K and birth dad M.

K and M signed consent to adoption about 75 hours after Audrey was born. It was the longest 75 hours ever. Thankfully, our NICU nurse the day of the signing had adopted her two kids so she knew what we were feeling while we waited for the word from our social worker.

Audrey spent 19 days in the NICU learning how to eat. We are so grateful for the nurses that took extra special care of us and our baby. Audrey had so many great visitors. I wish we had a photo with each one. So many people prayed so long for her. She was instantly loved.

Audrey’s first visitors were our good friends Nick and Shelly Goodman. So grateful they made the drive at a moment’s notice. ♥️
Audrey’s most frequent visitor was her Aunt Julie. She was a life saver for us, giving us some time to get out of the hospital for a few hours every couple of days. Thanks, Jules!!!
Audrey had lots of visitors! Some we managed to get pictures with but others we missed 😫
Audrey’s eyes have been enormous from the get-go! We love her Disney princess eyes!
She’s got the best face.

NICU life wears you down. We loved being there with our baby girl, but we did enjoy getting out from time to time, thanks to Julie and our good friend Sue Cunningham and other awesome baby snugglers.

Livin’ la vida NICU
NICU life is rough. But our nurses made life “bearable”.
Audrey had a pretty intense tongue tie, so she needed a frenulectomy. Not Mom’s best moment 😰

Finally, on day 19, they gave us the all-clear to go home! We were overjoyed, overwhelmed, and super nervous driving away with our 6lb precious cargo.

Audrey’s first taste of daylight after getting sprung from the NICU!
First car ride! Dad sat in back because nerves. Lol!

We stopped at birth mom K’s house so that she could officially meet Audrey. K had not wanted to hold her in the hospital because she wanted Audrey to bond with us instead of her. We were and are so grateful that she put Audrey first, though we would have been totally happy to have K there. Audrey did bond to us quite well, and we are so grateful for K’s kindness. We were happy to visit K and her family as we left the hospital. No pics, to protect their privacy.

I should mention here that since we were two hours from home, we were able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House two miles away from the hospital. They were an absolute blessing to us.

Ronald McDonald House provides free lodging and meals and so much more for families with medical needs far from home. Please donate next time you’re at the drive thru!

More on the adoption part of things later. We are so blessed and happy with our Audrey Rose. 🌹

Loss and Love: Part 3

Well this is the hardest post I have had to write so far. Since this is a blog about our journey, I will try to share what it feels like for us. There are three sides of the adoption triad… But I only know one intimately enough to write about it. I’ll leave it to others to share their stories. This is ours. 

Part three of this story is the faith part. Remember how I said this season is a season of loss for us? While that is certainly true, it has a different dimension for me this year.

For the past two months, the scripture that has relentlessly embedded itself in my brain is in The Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 11:17 “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.”

I have also thought a great deal about the purpose of suffering, and why bad things happen to good people. Many people find comfort in believing that each test we are given in life is for a specific, planned lesson. For example, “I am going through this so that I can learn patience.” There isn’t anything wrong with that perspective, and for those who find peace in that concept, I am grateful they have it. 

For me, I personally struggle with that, because I do not necessarily believe that every decision is master-planned. I do not believe that someone else’s choices were predestined so that we could learn a specific lesson. What I do believe is that Heavenly Father knows what choices we will make in this life because He knows us well. But HE does not instruct people to be violent, hurtful, or manipulative in order to teach someone a lesson on faith or hope. He allows His children to make their choices, and for those who are hurt as a result of someone else’s choices, He brings the healing. 

So for me, I find comfort in knowing that I signed up for mortality. And mortality contains death, sickness, violence, neglect, and all manner of awful, dreadful things. I signed up for a mortal experience. And this heartbreak is part of the mortal experience. 

The test for me is will I allow Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ to heal me? Will I turn to them when Mortality beats me down? Will I use them as my source of peace and comfort when Mortality deals a near-fatal blow? Will I not place the blame on them for the tests and trials of the Mortal experience, but will I instead allow them to be the solution? Will I allow Jesus to perform His role as Savior, and save me from Mortality? 

Deuteronomy 8:2-3
And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no.
And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Lord doth man live.

We are in the wilderness. We are going to be hurt—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The test is… will we let Him be our Savior? 

We have lost. His love will heal us. 

Loss and Love: Part 2

Well this is the hardest post I have had to write so far. Since this is a blog about our journey, I will try to share what it feels like for us. There are three sides of the adoption triad… But I only know one intimately enough to write about it. I’ll leave it to others to share their stories. This is ours. 

The part two of this story is that in our loss, we have felt an outpouring of love from our community. From family and close friends, to members of the adoption community, to strangers living thousands of miles away who now feel like family, we have been blessed considerably.

After our Facebook and Instagram posts yesterday, we received so many sweet comments, texts, phone calls, and messages filled with love and support. We have lost, but we are loved. We feel it.

Through this process, we have seen what life looks like without profound and unconditional love, we feel extremely blessed to have such loving and kind people in our lives. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for believing in us and for strengthening us. We love you.

Click here for Loss and Love: Part 3

Loss and Love: Part 1

Well this is the hardest post I have had to write so far. Since this is a blog about our journey, I will try to share what it feels like for us. There are three sides of the adoption triad… But I only know one intimately enough to write about it. I’ll leave it to others to share their stories. This is ours. 

Part one of this story is the loss. Our expectant mom has chosen to parent. I don’t know where to begin. How do you describe what it feels like to lose a child you never held? A baby that was never yours but felt like she was? A daughter that will never know you, or how much you love her, prayed for her, cried for her? How you carefully planned your nursery and your life around her?

She is not just “some baby” to us. For months, she felt like ours. I could feel her through the distance. We imagined her childhood with us, her teenage rebellion, her wedding, her first baby. We imagined the great relationship we would build with her biological family, and the trip we would take to Ecuador for her graduation. We saw our life with her. We saw her playing with her cousins as they grew up together. We have so much love to give her. Not just any child… her. We longed for the day that we would get the call that it was time to meet her.

That day never came. And will never come.

I have a new perspective on open adoption. “Open” has very little to do with the amount of contact between the child and her biological family. “Open” has everything to do with hearts.

We opened our hearts wide for this little girl and her mom. We chose to be open, vulnerable, and to feel excited, to hope, to plan, and to love. We loved them fiercely. We prayed for them, we worked hard for them, we gave them every bit of ourselves. The love that we poured from our hearts to theirs has left an gaping hole, a wide open space that will take time and patience and love and faith to heal.

Last year, on December 10th, we had our first positive pregnancy test. On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I miscarried. This year, we planned to spend Christmas with a new baby girl. We found out on December 6th that she would not be ours. This is a season of loss for the second year in a row. More on that later…

Some dear friends and I used to talk about the difference between walls of doom and healthy hedges. Walls of doom are built around a heart that has been broken so many times and in so many ways that the only way to protect it is to build walls of doom around it. Walls of doom keep out grief and pain, but they also prevent good things from getting through. Walls of doom do not allow hearts to heal properly. The only way to heal a broken heart is to allow love, hope, connection, courage, and faith to rebuild it from within. Walls of doom are impenetrable.

Healthy hedges, on the other hand, provide a safe space for healing. They do not protect from destruction completely, but they are permeable and allow love, hope, connection, courage, and faith to seep through and begin the healing process. Healthy hedges are what you build to give yourself time to heal. Be a little wary, but not paranoid. Give yourself time, but don’t shut yourself away. Watch for red flags, but don’t turn away every opportunity. Keep loving, keep moving, and keep hoping. Cautiously for a time, and then when you’ve healed, tear down the hedges and bring your heart back out into the world to love wholly and completely.

Love cannot exist without risk. Grief cannot exist without love. To love someone is to lay yourself bare and to open yourself to grief and loss. We loved profoundly and lost exquisitely.

Click Here for Loss and Love: Part 2

Adoption is hard.

I have no doubt it will get harder. I feel the need to write out some of my emotions, as we have been on edge for about 2 weeks. I share this not to place blame or as a call for action or a need for change or as a request for advice. There are extremely complicated emotions involved in domestic infant adoption, and my intent on this post is to shed some light on how hard and how emotional a process it is, and why we may seem a little aloof, on edge, or out of sorts.

Why it is hard for our expectant mom:

Our expectant mom is amazing. In all that we know of her throughout our four-month developing friendship, she is courageous, giving, patient, and faithful. She has time and again impressed us with her focus on what is best for her daughter and with her service to her family in their times of need. She cares a great deal for her family. There are difficult circumstances that she has been dealing with for over a year, and she helps and serves and loves and cares. On top of how much she gives to her family, she has a chronic pain disorder called trigeminal neuralgia. When she is not pregnant, she is able to have a procedure done that holds the pain off for a few months. The procedure is too risky for baby, so she has suffered the entirety of her pregnancy with this very difficult pain. She has been in and out of the hospital more times than I can count. She has been careful not to take any medications that are dangerous for the baby, and she has throughout the last nine months put her body through not only the difficulties of pregnancy, but the complications of suffering with intense facial pain that often leaves her bedridden. She decided to place her baby for adoption because she felt unable to provide a stable home, she has no support from her family, and she does not want her daughter to grow up with no support and with no father.

She found us through Facebook, and we instantly clicked. She told us that before she met us, she was lost and confused, scared and worried. After getting to know us, she was excited for her daughter, grateful to have a plan in place, and happy knowing that she was doing what is best for her little girl. We have grown to love her so much over the past four months. She is so precious to us, not only because of the child she is carrying that may end up in our home, but because we have watched her selflessly care for her family even in her hardest times, and we admire her courage and her trust in God.  We have messaged each other every day for four months…

Until the last two weeks.

You see, as the time for the birth gets closer, our expectant mama has become more distant. Her texts are few and far between, and I can’t help but feel that as the time draws closer, this decision is becoming a lot harder for her than it initially was. And rightfully so. As much as we have prayed and hoped for a child to come to our home, I cannot begin to imagine the agony she faces of saying goodbye to her baby. This is agony for any parent.

Along with all of these complicated emotions, her pain has increased. She has been in the hospital (again), and is wanting this whole thing to be over. So her texts have become less frequent, and we do not know how to help her.

Why it is hard for us:

We have gone through what feels like an eternity of trying to have children. Granted, we have not gone to the lengths that some have gone, and we have not waited as long as others, but for us, in our 40s and facing the prospect of being childless, this year has been the most difficult year. We have suffered two miscarriages and two failed fertility treatments, and months upon months of negative pregnancy tests. We have prayed and fasted, and pleaded with Heavenly Father to send children into our home.

When we met our expectant mom, we felt like it was all coming together. We know that she can change her mind, and we know that we could pour all of our emotional reserves into this and be left empty. We know that this is her decision, and we know that our world could shatter again any minute.

Many people have asked, “Well, how sure are you that she will go through with this?” I’ve shared, “We are as sure as we can be that this will go through. But once she holds that baby, all bets are off.” We know the reality of what she is giving and the monumental decision that will affect her and her baby for an eternity. I don’t know that I could make that decision lightly. There is a plan in place, but nothing in this world can force a woman to place her baby into someone else’s arms for the rest of her life. We value that agency tremendously, and we would never do anything that would be coercive or would remove her agency from her.

There is also the financial component. I hate to bring this part up, because there are so many emotions about financing adoption. But adoption is expensive. Legal fees, travel expenses, and agency fees (to provide counseling and support for the expectant mom) can end up costing a lot. And we have put everything we have and even had help from generous friends and family to make this work. And if this falls through, we not only lose our hoped for and planned for baby, but we lose a great deal of money. Thankfully, much of that will be recuperated in the Adoption Tax Credit, but there is a good chunk of it we will never see again. Please don’t think I am insensitive for mentioning finances. This is a small part of why adoption is hard, but it is a reality.

We have prayed for this baby, loved this baby, waited and planned for this baby. We have spent four months hoping and planning. If she chooses not to place with us, we will be as devastated as if I miscarried again. We are facing either the greatest joy or the greatest heartbreak of our lives to this point.

On Friday, October 26th, she will be 38 weeks, and I am planning to go to Chicago to be on baby watch. It has been our plan for some time, and our birth mom has been on board with this, that I will drive up on Friday and be on baby watch, and Dennis will join us either the night before an induction, or when she goes into labor. That way he gets a few more days of work in before being on unpaid paternity leave for a couple of weeks, but I can still be there when she goes into labor. She has said a number of times that she wants me with her in the delivery room, and nothing would make me happier.

The last two weeks, every time I mention these plans, she goes dark. We have heard very little from her the last couple of weeks, and Dennis and I are in a state of constant worry. I have tried to paint a picture for you of how that actually feels, but I fall short. We have felt tremendous anxiety. So much that I have retreated into my “holding pattern”. I try to stay busy, but I avoid things that could possibly make me confront the feelings I am having. I ache for my dear expectant mom, whom I love so much. I ache to hold this baby. I ache for my husband who has emotions that are hard to express. I am raw, on edge, and trying to stay hopeful.

If you wonder where I’ve gone, or why I don’t respond to texts, or why I have not posted on social media, or why I leave church early… This is why. I am holding my breath. I am hoping for some certainty in my life. I am feeling scared, tired, worn. And my expectant mom is feeling the same.

Adoption is hard.

He’s gonna be a great dad!

It is so fun for me to watch Dennis with kids. Last Saturday, we went to the baptism of our good friend’s niece. She had received a nice framed photo with some ribbon around it, and she wanted to take the ribbon off so she could take a photo with it. She was struggling for a few minutes, and without a word, Dennis just went over to help. Later that day, our 3-year old niece experienced some mild trauma with her cousin of the same age pouring water on her. I picked her up and brought her in the house and Dennis was coming around the corner with a towel in hand. I absolutely love that he steps in to help in such practical ways. <3

On rejection…

The same week that our home study was approved, we had the opportunity to submit our profile to an expectant mother who was choosing an adoption plan for her baby. We were so hopeful. We wrote a personal letter to her and we prayed that she would choose us.

She didn’t. We cried.

It reminded me a lot of dating. You may be the most awesome person in the world, but if the other person doesn’t love you or want to be with you, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You just have to move on. A good match (in dating/marriage or adoption) is mutual. Both parties have to be invested in the match for it to work. You can’t pray away someone else’s choice.

There is so much emotion involved in adoption. And the expectant mother has every right and responsibility to select an adoptive family that she feels is best for her baby. Our responsibility is to continue to be ourselves and hope that something about us resonates with an expectant mother.

So we move on and wait for the next opportunity to share who we are. Right now, we are grateful to even be considered as an adoptive family. It is a privilege to be in the running.

Thank you to everyone who is helping us connect with women considering an adoption plan. We appreciate you <3

Our feelings on adoption.

MVIMG_20171220_162919We are so excited to be on this journey. We have family that have adopted, have been adopted, and that have placed their babies for adoption. We are no strangers to the world of adoption, though we are just entering it ourselves. Our goal is to adopt a baby or a child under age 2. We are open to all races and backgrounds.

We believe that the most selfless thing a woman can do is place her child’s future before her own feelings. Because of that belief, we feel strongly about making sure our child knows who his or her birth mom is and that it was a supreme act of love by an incredibly brave soul. In our home, there is no such thing as being “given up.” There is no such thing as being “unwanted”. Our child will know that he or she is loved not only by us, but also by the brave woman who made the choice to place her child in our home. 

If you are contemplating placing your baby with us, please know that we have far more gratitude in our hearts for you than we could ever express. If you or someone you know is contemplating placing a baby, please message us, either here or through Facebook. We will respond quickly. 


Guys! We got our approval from the state!!! Hooray! My friend tells me that we are “paper pregnant” 😀

I have had so many emotions lately. We have so much love in our hearts to give. We are excited and scared to become parents, but I think that’s pretty normal. Some days I am super confident in my homemaking and parenting skills and other days I doubt I can be a good mom. But really, I doubted that I would be a good wife, and my hubby will tell you that I am nailing that job (he’s so sweet to me)!

Anyway, we just got super excited that we are approved and we can’t wait to find our little baby. Thank you for your prayers and support!

<3 Valerie