Three years ago….

This… Little did we know three years ago where this little conversation would lead… #hopingtoadopt #hopefuladoptiveparents #adoption

We met online in the summer of 2015. Dennis said that he messaged me because he liked my photo with the pink cake (our friend Allie takes credit, and rightly so, for our introduction because she made that cake for my birthday). I messaged back because he was an English teacher, and I found that fascinating.

We messaged about 5 or 6 times that day, and then again the day after, and again the day after. Our messages became deep and emotionally intimate quite quickly, and we knew that we had made a connection that we had to explore further. We graduated to phone calls on Day 5, when the messages got way too long and had to be split into 3 parts b/c too many characters!

Our phone calls lasted for hours and hours, and we could not wait for work to be over so we could talk. The same emotional intimacy we had in our messages continued in our phone calls. We talked about everything! And we found that we had very similar philosophies on life, and very similar emotional styles. We met in-person three weeks later, and knew immediately we loved each other. He proposed about 45 days after we met in person.

We waited so long and experienced so much heartache before we found each other, but we wouldn’t trade it for anything. Our past experiences are what make us the people we are today, and they are what we have used as a springboard to create a phenomenal marriage. We feel so grateful to have found each other. It feels wonderful to be married to a best friend. We approach our marriage as the most precious thing we have. We cherish each other, we uplift each other, and we make decisions every day to put the other first. We are so blessed to have had this wonderful beginning. <3

Social Media Fast?

img_6462So, Valerie is writing this post. Shocker, I know 🙂

On Sunday, a man that we consider to be a prophet, President Russell M. Nelson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, invited all the youth, their parents, and their leaders to make some changes in their lives. The first, and the only one I will talk about here, is the “7-day social media fast.” Basically, sign off of social media for one week, and use that time to connect with others IRL (in real life, for those who do not speak teenager), and to connect with Heavenly Father.

As a leader of the 16-18 year old girls in my congregation, I decided to participate. It was a hard decision for me, as we have some facebook ads running for our adoption search. I worried that not posting for a week would hinder our chances of connecting with a birth family. As I lay awake Sunday night mulling all of this over, I came to the realization that if I really believe that President Nelson is a prophet of God, and if I really believe that God has power to bless my life for being obedient to his prophet’s counsel, I need to choose to trust and be obedient. So I deleted the social media apps from my phone and started my 7-day social media fast.

Now, there are some who would claim that writing this blog is social media… I look at it more as journaling 🙂 Maybe it’s a stretch, but in order to make this a non-social media post, I turned off commenting and my automatic feed to facebook and twitter, at least for these seven days.

What I really wanted to share is that just in one 24 hour period, I have vacuumed my house, done three loads of laundry, had two meaningful scripture studies, and read some magazine articles at night before going to sleep. I slept better and I feel better and I have been more connected and sensitive to spiritual things.

I noticed throughout the day that I would pick up my phone and try to check facebook, instagram, and twitter, only to realize they weren’t there. It was eye opening to me how often throughout the day I do that out of habit.

One day down, six to go. I’m so far really grateful for this opportunity.

On rejection…

The same week that our home study was approved, we had the opportunity to submit our profile to an expectant mother who was choosing an adoption plan for her baby. We were so hopeful. We wrote a personal letter to her and we prayed that she would choose us.

She didn’t. We cried.

It reminded me a lot of dating. You may be the most awesome person in the world, but if the other person doesn’t love you or want to be with you, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You just have to move on. A good match (in dating/marriage or adoption) is mutual. Both parties have to be invested in the match for it to work. You can’t pray away someone else’s choice.

There is so much emotion involved in adoption. And the expectant mother has every right and responsibility to select an adoptive family that she feels is best for her baby. Our responsibility is to continue to be ourselves and hope that something about us resonates with an expectant mother.

So we move on and wait for the next opportunity to share who we are. Right now, we are grateful to even be considered as an adoptive family. It is a privilege to be in the running.

Thank you to everyone who is helping us connect with women considering an adoption plan. We appreciate you <3

This is the Life… and the Love.

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Dennis and I love our life together. We have built a solid, loving relationship, and we laugh every day. Some of you may think that is impossible, but I assure you, there is laughter every single day. Dennis makes sure of it! He is always doing something to make me smile or laugh. He would say that one of his favorite things is that I laugh so easily. But really, he is so dang funny. He has a very dry sense of humor, and he is so quiet in public that when his wit does come out, you can’t help but laugh. He has such great timing! He is also not above goofiness. I think I’m one of the few lucky people in the world to witness his “Barton Bop” dance moves. Or his “old man” walk. Or how he talks to our dogs in a made up language. I could go on….

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But what is on my mind today is how we intentionally decide every day to love each other. We talk often about “what it takes” to make a great marriage. This was one of the things that attracted us to each other in the first place. We both had thought about what we really want in a relationship, and we talked about that in our first conversation. It was a great start and we are grateful to have that foundation.

There’s a poem by Hartley Coleridge that asks, “Is love a fancy or a feeling?” I say it is neither. Love is action. It is service, it is sacrifice, it is selflessness, it is forgiving, it is kind, and it is glorious.

And it takes work. Love does not happen by accident.

IMG_1957We firmly believe that no one “falls” in or out of love. That implies that will and choice are not involved. But love is a choice. We choose to give our heart to someone. We choose to be in love and we choose not to be in love.

When you are just too tired to move and your spouse asks you to let the dogs out and you do, you choose love. When you see that your spouse is too tired to move and you let the dogs out yourself, you choose love. When you choose to spend time with someone, learn about them, trust them with your secrets, hold their secrets, and speak kindly to and about them, you choose love. When you avoid conversation that is sarcastic and biting, when you bite your tongue and wait a minute before saying something that might be hurtful, when you see your whole spouse (warts and all) and focus on the good in them, you choose love. When your spouse lets an unkind word slip out and you forgive them, you choose love. When you take out the garbage or do the dishes or organize the garage or replace the toilet paper or do a load of laundry, you choose love. When you actively and consciously avoid even a hint of infidelity, you choose love. When you kiss at red lights because it is tradition even when you are having an argument, you choose love. When you tell your spouse what you admire and appreciate about them, you choose love.

The magical thing is that when you choose love in those moments when you may not feel love, your heart softens and the feelings of love come flooding back. Strong marriages are built on choosing love over and over and over again.

This is what Dennis and I have chosen. We choose to be madly in love. We choose to live happily, ridiculously, madly in love. <3 We choose it today and we will choose it tomorrow.

I think that may be a good start to being decent parents. What do you think?

<3 Valerie

Our faith.

We are active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We believe that God is our Father, and that He loves us like a Father loves His child.

We believe that Heavenly Father has given us this earth life to progress, to learn, to grow, and to become like Him. Because we are not perfect, and we cannot return to Him unless we become so, Heavenly Father sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to bridge the gap.

Because of Jesus Christ, we are blessed with mercy and forgiveness. His grace allows us to become better than we are, to overcome our weaknesses, and to be forgiven of our sins. 

There is hope and joy and light and laughter to be had in life. We try to live a life of happiness and love. 

If you want to know more about our faith, click the link below. 

_R3A9445Mormon.org

Our feelings on adoption.

MVIMG_20171220_162919We are so excited to be on this journey. We have family that have adopted, have been adopted, and that have placed their babies for adoption. We are no strangers to the world of adoption, though we are just entering it ourselves. Our goal is to adopt a baby or a child under age 2. We are open to all races and backgrounds.

We believe that the most selfless thing a woman can do is place her child’s future before her own feelings. Because of that belief, we feel strongly about making sure our child knows who his or her birth mom is and that it was a supreme act of love by an incredibly brave soul. In our home, there is no such thing as being “given up.” There is no such thing as being “unwanted”. Our child will know that he or she is loved not only by us, but also by the brave woman who made the choice to place her child in our home. 

If you are contemplating placing your baby with us, please know that we have far more gratitude in our hearts for you than we could ever express. If you or someone you know is contemplating placing a baby, please message us, either here or through Facebook. We will respond quickly. 

Our Family Values.

Dennis and Valerie HoneymoonWe have both wanted children our whole lives. For various reasons, the blessing of children has so far been withheld. Since we met, we anticipated that adoption was in our future. We have been preparing our hearts and home, and we have spent a great deal of time discussing our parenting plans. Yes, we totally know that we will not be perfect parents. We will make mistakes, and I am sure that one or more therapy sessions may be needed for our children 😂 but these are values that we try hard to exhibit with each other.

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We value kindness. We have both seen how rude remarks, sarcasm, and anger can tear a family apart. We try every day to be kind to one another, even when tension is high and we are stressed and upset. We hope to teach our children to be kind to one another and to others. We believe that family is the best place to practice this value.

We value forgiveness. We know that we are going to make mistakes. We have made mistakes with each other, and we strive to be quick to forgive. We believe that most people do not intend to cause harm, hurt, or hard feelings. We believe in the goodness of people and try to forgive when we are hurt. We believe that it is important to acknowledge our parenting mistakes, and to ask forgiveness of our children when we make mistakes.

We value education and learning. As a school teacher, Dennis knows that people learn differently. We believe in helping our children be successful and adapting learning experiences to their individual needs. We expect our children to graduate high school and college with good grades, and we believe in encouraging them to find their passion.

_R3A9586We value fun and laughter. Since we have been married, there has not been a single day that we have not laughed at least once. We believe in being silly and in finding the humor in life’s situations. We feel that laughter and fun are essential to living a good life, and we plan to make our home as fun and happy as we can.

We believe in God. We know that He is our Father and that He loves us. We have faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, as the Savior of our souls. We pray together and we read scriptures together. While we do not always understand some of the challenges we are asked to face, we know that Heavenly Father loves us as a parent loves a child. Someday we will know the reasons behind all of our struggles and we will have joy with our families forever.